Why Self-Compassion Is Important For Students’ Growth

“If you want others to be happy, practise compassion. If you want to be happy, practise compassion.”

–Dalai Lama

The exam season is often exhausting as the constant preparation and assessment can be very demanding. In such challenging times, one can easily find themselves feeling disappointed, criticising themselves when the outcome does not meet their expectation. Instead of giving in to the negative emotions of self-criticism,  you can practise self-compassion and adopt a positive mindset to learn and grow.  

What Is Self-Compassion?

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Self-compassion is about embracing your perceived flaws and replacing your inner critic with a loving, kind, patient coach. Being self-compassionate means building a growth mindset that allows you to forgive and accept yourself, just the way you are.

According to studies, treating yourself with compassion can reduce stress and even strengthen your immunity. In addition, it makes you more forgiving, open to others’ opinions and helps you build a positive perspective.   

Self-Compassion Fosters Resilience 

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Do you often feel disheartened when you score lower grades than you expected? Do you immediately blame yourself when you fail? The next time this happens, remember to stop indulging in these thoughts. Instead, replace thoughts of criticism with words of kindness to not only feel better but also to reinstate your motivation to do better. Research suggests that students practising self-compassion are more likely to:  

• Set goals that result in personal growth rather than those meant to impress others 
• Be more confident and less fearful in the face of failure
• Bounce back in a healthy way — by seeking help, asking questions,  and interacting with teachers
• Be motivated to learn, grow, and excel

How To Be More Compassionate Towards Yourself

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According to Dr. Kristen Neff — a leading self-compassion researcher — self-compassion is made of three key components. Consciously practise these elements to learn, grow, and get closer to your goals. 

1. Self-kindness — be loving and understanding towards yourself, especially when dealing with failures. Skip self-criticism to treat yourself with patience and warmth. 

To be kind to yourself means: 

• To be gentle and caring towards yourself in tough times
• To be patient in understanding your perceived flaws
• To be tolerant towards your weaknesses

1. Common humanity — remind yourself that nobody is perfect and that it’s okay to make mistakes. Accept and forgive your shortcomings and know that you are not alone — we all have our moments of doubt.
2. Mindfulness — be aware of your thoughts. Acknowledge how you are feeling and learn to strike a balance by neither ignoring painful emotions nor extremely exaggerating them. 

Being mindful means:

• Keeping calm in times of challenge
• Maintaining a perspective when things don’t go your way 
• Accepting all our emotions with openness and curiosity

Take The First Step — An Exercise On Self-Compassion

How Would You Treat A Friend?

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When dealing with negative situations, how do you talk to yourself? Do you jump into the self-critic mode or would you treat yourself like a friend would?  One of the best ways to develop compassion for yourself is by treating yourself like a good friend.

Have you ever observed? It’s easier to love, show compassion, and be understanding with our friends. Most of us find it hard to direct the same emotions of love and compassion towards ourselves when we make a mistake.

Here’s an exercise from Dr. Kristin Neff that could help you be more self-compassionate:

Step 1

Imagine that your best friend is really disappointed and is being too judgemental about themselves. How would you talk to them in this situation? On a piece of paper, write down what you would typically do or say. Make note of the tone in which you would normally talk to your friends.

Step 2

Now, think of a time when you were disappointed and were being harsh on yourself. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? Write down what you would do or say while paying attention to the tone in which you talk to yourself.

Step 3

Is there a significant difference between the two? If yes, ask yourself why. 

Step 4

Think about it and write down how you would feel if you talked to yourself the same way you would usually console a close friend.

Now you know! Kindness can make all the difference, especially when directed towards yourself. 

Affirmations are a great way to develop self-kindness and build a growth mindset that helps you accept your flaws and mistakes. Develop the habit of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, to see yourself blossom into an optimistic achiever. Here are some examples for you: 

What is your way of practising self-compassion? Tell us in the comments below!